Dial “D” for Disappointment
I’ve been in a crummy mood.
Some years, the stress of the season does it to me.
I’d like to blame this bad mood on my hormones.
But mainly I can only blame the fact that I’m being a baby.
It boils down to the fact that I allow another person determine my mood.
I allow them to get under my skin.
To dictate the way I talk to my kids.
Give them permission to ruin my evening.
To that person, I want to say,
And to my feelings I want to say, “You are not the boss of me!”
But there they are. Because I allow them to be.
When I start to allow my feelings to dictate my mood, then I get disappointed in myself.
Disappointment is such a heavy load to carry.
And regardless of if you bend with your knees or your back…carrying disappointment, whether it’s in God, yourself or others…it’s exhausting.
And it can wear you down, fast.
“Well, you could’ve handled THAT better.”
“Nice job. They’ll really think you’re a jerk now!”
“Wow. You hear the tone in their voice? They think you’re a disappointment too!”
(My favorite…) “And you call yourself a Christian…”
We can be ridiculously hard on ourselves.
I know I can.
I realize that when my focus gets off God and on myself.
My disappointment mounts.
When I rely on people to meet my needs or try my Jim dandiest to please them…
My disappointment multiplies.
Switching my focus off God and on me is a primary tactic of the enemy.
I’m going to let people down.
I’m not going to meet their expectations.
And that’s okay. I’m not here for them.
I have to remind myself of that one.
John 3:30 says
What. About. Me?
“That’s what God said…”
So when my pants are too tight because I’ve spent another day making poor nutrition choices…again. ME.
How about totally sucking up my bible study of the book of Deuteronomy because I was too lazy to get out of bed. ME.
Or when I’m running late to something because I spent too much time on social media. ME.
And when I snap at someone whom I love because I allow my feelings to determine my mood. ME.
This Christmas season I’m trying to see things, situations, and people (especially the one who makes me go BSC) in the words of Helen from the Incredibles; “THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!”
Because for Him to be greater this Christmas and every day, I must become less that eventually I am so small.
So small that people no longer see me and all they see is Him.
I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer,
and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ,
walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman
and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God…
just living the dream.