Gettin dissed

May I just say?
October really sucked.
I mean, nothing against the month and all…it’s usually my favorite month of the year, actually.
But I have never been so glad to see a month end.
Please November.  Be gentle.
Nothing bad happened to me personally but just the daily-ness of life and feeling like a fat hamster caught on a wheel.
Hahahahah!  Jokes on you!  You aren’t getting anywhere!

Each week there was opportunities to make memories with my family with a festival here or there.
Something always came up.
Or one kid wanted to be with this friend or go here or do this.
Everyone seemed to be choosing everyone else, but me.
So this year there will be no pictures from the Bob Evans Festival.
No Imel’s big chair picture (for the 2nd year in a row)
No Milton’s Pumpkin Festival or Old Fashioned Days.
Each weekend ended and each Sunday evening held disappointment.

I feel very disconnected from my kids, discontent and discouraged with ministry, and disappointed in myself.
I’m just gettin’ “dissed” every where I turn.

I feel as if God has me on His chopping block, in a season of  what I’m hoping is refining.
God is stripping me down to my bare bones.
He’s digging crap out of me that I have fought tooth and nail to hold on to.
Because I’ll be honest, I’ll be super pissed off if there isn’t something God sized on the other side of this.

I’m holding on to the hope that this great God I serve, the One I call Father gave me a gentle reminder as I was late for church one Sunday.
I was flying driving down what we locals call “Bear Run” to get to US 23.
TeamBanks was fresh off of a yelling match held in our driveway, because you know, that’s what we do to prepare our hearts for the Lord, right?
Ellie had no shoes on, Phoebe hadn’t brushed her teeth or her hair, Max is full of angst and Reagan is full of aggravating everyone.
In my harried state, I almost missed it.
I almost missed God.
God used my 14 year old and slowed me down.
God used spiderwebs
Lining the power lines high above my head hung hundreds of seperate webs hanging heavy with dew of the early morning.
These threadlike structures were so intricate.
So detailed.
God was aware of every. single. one.
Every single dewdrop.
Every single spider.
Every single web.
The webs weren’t worried about breaking and snapping under the weight of the dew.
It was just displaying the glory of its maker.
I have felt as worn thin as a single strand of webbing.
I have felt as exposed as those hundreds of webs lining the power lines of Bear Run.
But instead of buckling under the weight, I instead am holding on to the hand of my Daddy who promises me …that He cares more for me than He does the birds of the air
…He has future for me, to prosper me and not to harm me
…that He changes not.
…and that through this season of refining and purifying, I will be on display for Him…
all for the glory of His son.

I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer,
and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ,
walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman
and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God…
just living the dream.

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