Lean In

Lean In

Driving a car through an unfamiliar area.
Talking to a kid with an ear infection or someone who’s hard of hearing.
Sharing a secret with someone.
They all have something in common.
When the boys were little we traveled to California with a couple we are friends with.
We took on San Diego with the 4 of us and the 2 of them in a giant Suburban.
The friend did most of the driving, and not having children of their own, they weren’t accustomed to tuning out background noise and endless chatter that come with kids.
I watched him as we navigated the unknown streets of Malibu and Hollywood and LA.
He was driving folded over the steering wheel, leaned in like he was listening to imaginary instructions on where to go.
I do the same thing.
While in Asheville earlier in December, I practically laid on the wheel, trying to “listen” to where I needed to go…
Who knows why.

I had high hopes for 2017, but she was anticlimactic at best.
Nothing amazing.
Nothing devasting.
Just meh.
One thing I’ve realized is that I’m so tired of meh.
And yet I feel like I am a master of meh.

But as 2017 drew to a close, I kept hearing the Lord whisper one phrase over and over to me as He’d remind me of different situations I had experienced like Asheville and California.
Lean in.
Lean in to the heart of God when I don’t understand His will.
Lean in to hear God when the mediocrity of life seems suffocating.
Lean in to His word when the noise of my everyday is so unbelievably loud I can’t even hear my own heart beating.
Lean in to His hands when I am so tired of trying and striving and doing.
Lean in to Him without any expectation from Him, because He’s already done it all.
And lean in so close to Him so He always hears my words of thanksgiving instead of my words of complaints or wants.

So I’m setting out to make leaning into Jesus a major priority this year.
I have absolutely no other expectation or goal or resolution for myself than to live every single day, every hour, every choice I make to be one that should it be my very last, I’ll open my eyes to Jesus Himself to hear him say, “Oh darling.  Well done.”
THAT excites me so much!
Can you imagine if we lived that way?!
To set out to make each day one that makes Christ stand to His feet with His fist pumped in the air and say, “THAT’S MY GIRL!

This year will not be one that has a priority on “working out 4-5 days a week” or “losing at least 30 pounds” or “memorizing Psalm 91” *all goals from last year that only reminded me what a miserable failure I am.
Can’t win ’em all I suppose…
His word says in Matthew 6:33 that the only resolution I ever need to keep is the one where I “seek first His kingdom and all these things shall be added unto me.”
What things?
Well, if we back up in the chapter, it is talking about worrying about life.
Worrying about what you’re eating and drinking and wearing.
Pagans do that, it says.
If I’m setting out to live each hour as one to glorify Him…then everything else falls into place.
That doesn’t mean that everything is going to be perfect and wonderful.
My kids are still going to fight.
People are still going to fail me.
I’m still going to fail the ones I love the most.
But you know what’s changed in the equation?
Me feeling like I have to fix every single person and every single situation.
When my kids are acting like fools; I’m going to lean in and whisper a thank you to their Daddy. 1Thes.5:18
When I have no freaking idea what I’m doing or what the next day holds; I’m going to lean in so He can whisper the depths of His riches and wisdom and knowledge. Romans 11:33
When I let my self down for the 400th time; I’m going to lean in so I can hear Him tell me that He is sufficient for all my needs and that I’m not meant to do it in my own strength.
I’m not sure what 2018 will look like, but I’m ready for the ride.
And I’d love for you to come along with me.
Matthew 6:33

Jill

I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer, and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ, walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God… just living the dream.

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