I’ll never forget the tearful ride home from my last first baby doctor appointment when I was pregnant with Ellie. It had been an emotional 10 weeks up until that appointment, the shock of baby number 4 still fresh in my mind. We hadn’t planned on number 4.
I had mentally “closed up shop” on the baby making factory.
I was full of worry that evening as we left the doctor’s office.
Not because I was having another baby. That was the easy part.
But because I had to tell my mom.
Silly, I know.
But being a seasoned OB nurse, she was a constant flow of statistics on “horrible things that could go wrong with repeated c-sections” since after my 2nd was born. This would be my 4th.
So, yes. Being a grown woman, I was afraid to tell my mom this news.
I even announced to the car that I wouldn’t tell her.
Jason pulled into her driveway, I took a deep breath, and I took my red, swollen face into her house.
She was in her bedroom when I vomited the news on her.
Jason let me do all the talking. So nice of him.
“Well for God’s sake Jill, I thought something was wrong! You’re married for crying out loud….it’s not like you’re a 14-year-old unwed mother! Get yourself together!”
Well. That was unexpected.
Have you ever dreaded something so intensely, that all you wanted to do was run as fast as you could in the other direction?
Yes, God’s word tells us “do not fear” and “don’t worry,” but thankfully His grace covers a multitude of sins.
We had a guest minister on Sunday who is also a close friend of ours.
After service, we were talking and he said something so profound.
He said, “You know the scripture that says ‘God goes before you to fight your battles for you? I know it sounds crazy because God’s not out in the parking lot wielding a sword on our behalf. But He is ahead of our situations smoothing out obstacles and preparing hearts.”
So that doctor’s appointment you were dreading, that didn’t turn out bad?
Those test results that had robbed you of many night’s sleep that turned out to be nothing?
That person you were avoiding because you were fearful of their reaction and it all worked out?
Deuteronomy 1:30 promises that God is going before us.
Deuteronomy 20: 4 promises that God is going with us.
Deuteronomy 31:8 reiterates that not only is God going ahead of us, but He’s right beside us.
All we need to do is trust Him and allow Him to do His thing.
The battle is His.
Regardless of its size, if it takes up space in your heart or your head, it needs to be handed over to the Lord.
He’s a gentleman.
He won’t force Himself on you.
He’s just waiting for you to give Him marching orders.
I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer,
and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ,
walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman
and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God…
just living the dream.