Moist and horny

Well.
That got your attention didn’t it. ūüôā
Sorry (not sorry) for all you super dignified people whom I offended.
Back to the title…I hate those two words.
They totally creep me out.
I’ll be honest…not a lot shocks me.
My kids have asked me some pretty heinous questions and while I may be shivering a little on the inside, on the outside I am cool hand Luke.
“Mom, how did Baby Ellie get IN your body?”
“Mom, why is my penis hard in the mornings?”
“Mom, is your butt bleeding?!”
“Mom, what does horny mean?”
Literally, just today, “Mom, what’s a lezzzzbeeyan?”
Notice none of these sentences start with “Dad.”
Coincidence?
I think not.
Unfortunately, these words are associated with a certain thing that make grown men flee and some mamas blush.

One thing I knew early on, even before I became a parent, I knew I wanted to be able to field any question my kids threw at me.
Total honesty.
What a loaded weapon I was carrying…
I remember being between 9 and 11 and watching Golden Girls with a notepad and pen in hand.
Every time I heard Blanche (usually) say a word I was unsure of, I would quickly write it down and then report to my mom.
“Mom, what’s an orgasm?”
“Jillian, have you been watching Golden Girls again?”
She’d take a deep breath and in her OB-GYN RN expertise, she’d go into a breakdown of orgasms, erections, and shows that may or may not be appropriate for me at the moment.
Nothing phased her.
Which may be why all MY friends came to her for answers to their questions.
I want to be that mom.
And when the topic comes up, I may or may not bust into a little Salt n Pepa dance moves.
salt-n-pepa

I don’t want my kids to learn something crazy from someone who may believe something heinous.
I don’t want my kids to learn about this stuff on the school bus.
Which happens to be where the term “lesbian” was introduced to my 9 year old.
Bless.
I hate how the enemy has taken something so awesome as sex and turned it into something dirty and shameful.
I mean, have you read Song of Solomon?!
Hell-lo nurse!
It’s what Satan does best, after all…perverts, twists and distorts the perfect plan of God.
I don’t want my kids to be ashamed of their bodies and their feelings.
I don’t want any of my children to be sexual victims.
Or sexual predators.
And I certainly don’t want to miss an opportunity to share with my kids God’s perfect plan for their bodies and the totally legitimate desires they are having.
I’ve talked to grown women who still blush at the thought of talking to their almost grown son about their “pickle.”
Would that be dill or bread and butter?
As my mom taught me and is now helping with my kids, “Maxwell. ¬†It is not a nut sack. ¬†It is a scrotum. ¬†And yes. ¬†It is supposed to look like that. ¬†Now, what’s for dinner?”
Moving on.
In every area of our lives, our behavior, attitudes and beliefs will either make or break your family tree.
THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE Y’ALL!!

Are certain topics uncomfortable?
Absolutely.
Addiction.  Oral Sex.  Pornography.  Drugs.  Abusive relationships.  Sexting.  Alcohol.
Are they super important?
You bet.
Your reaction to ALL the important questions will mold and shape those sweet little minds.
Will they grow up thinking sex is cheap, dirty and shameful?
Or something that’s precious and incredible?
So, yes.  I will answer all the questions about lesbians, gonorrhea, erections, and orgasms.
Hopefully not in that order.
I won’t necessarily have a big smile on my face, but it’ll be another area I lean on Holy Ghost to help me overcome.

So tell me, parents of littles…what are your biggest fears about this area?
Parents of bigs…what worked for you?
One thing I know for sure is that we gotta help each other out.
We are ALL on this crazy train together.
And one day when my daughter marries your son and he is calling it a “pickle” at¬†Thanksgiving supper…
well, that may be problematic. ūüôā¬†

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