I have mentioned in the early days of me starting this “window seat of the internet” that I have had an internal battle that I have fought for a long time.
The desire to want all the fancies; manicures, styled hair, flawless makeup, fashionable knee-high boots, warring with the realization of who I really am; short, brittle nails, messy hair, 5-minute makeup, and Birkenstocks.
I used to get a little panicked when I put myself up against other pastor’s wives with their coordinating jewelry, airbrushed makeup, perfectly styled hair, gleaming and perfect smile…ho boy.
“One of these things is not like the other…”
And then I came across this picture a while back on my Instagram feed and it made me want to high-five all the people.
I felt like if God made graphics, He made this one for me.
At the end of the day, will God look over my life and say, “Well, you could contour like no other, you knew the difference matte and glossy lipstick, and you raised daughters who had an amazing boutique wardrobe.”
Don’t misunderstand me.
I don’t think you need to go around looking homeless, disheveled and like you just basically gave up on life.
And I certainly don’t think that you can’t be pretty, polished and put together and love Jesus too.
But I also don’t think that I have to strive anymore to be something I’m not.
To be angry because I don’t look like Sister So and So.
Especially at the expense of being who He’s called me to be.
Shout out to all the girls who love taking selfies and love their makeup and love telling people how to put it on.
High five to all the ladies who are SUPER talented at coordinating an outfit, wear knee-high boots with leggings and can pull off looking cute with a flip of your 2-inch barrel curling iron.
You are adorable and I promise I’m not trying to take that away from you.
I’m just not going to envy you anymore.
I want to be about the Father’s business.
Not serving the idol of my face or my body or my hairstyle.
I have served the idol of hating myself for far too long; for what I AM and for what I’m NOT.
I am confident that God has already set Joel 2:25 into motion, restoring all those years I lost in a deep pit of disappointment.
In my post about Ashley Judd’s Nasty Woman speech, I want to be a different type of nasty woman.
I don’t want to be known for my impeccable fashion sense or how many “loves” my OOTD got…I mean, have I ever even posted a picture of my “outfit of the day?”
During my quiet time (and I use that term loosely, so don’t think I’m all ultra holy here…) God brought the event of 1 Samuel 16 when Samuel was sent looking for a new King of Isreal to my mind.
Son after well qualified, handsome and rugged son was rejected because God knew their heart.
Everyone else saw their strength and their charisma and their intellect and dashing good looks.
But God saw motives and idolatry and selfishness and their manipulation.
Yes, I want to be about the Father’s business.
I want all of God’s power to be fully manifested in my life.
If He has it for me, then I want it.
I want to be about the hard and holy.
I want to be down in the trenches with my sister who needs Jesus.
I want for my name to be immediately associated with Jesus.
Because one is fleeting and the other is eternal.
Beautiful are the feet (even if they are wearing Birks) of those who bring the good news.
–Romans 10:15 italics mine 🙂
And I want a life that has reflected His face.