Aretha Franklin: Queen of Soul…Jill Banks: Queen of Conflict

Yes my friends, while Aretha may have “soul” all tied up, I am a queen of a different type.  Coming from a person who HATES conflict and confrontation, I struggle with conflict often.  From big to little issues they are the green flies of my life.   First conflict.  I saw an old high school…
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Just the facts, Ma’am

“God, you did everything you promised,
and I’m thanking you with all my heart.
You pulled me from the brink of death,
my feet from the cliff-edge of doom.
Now I stroll at leisure with God 
in the sunlit fields of life.”
Psalm 56:12-13

This scripture was one I adopted this time last year when embarking on my healing journey.  It went straight to the heart of how I physically felt…on the brink of death, the cliff edge of doom.  Sounds dramatic…but it’s true.  There were literally nights that I prayed that God would let me fall asleep and wake up in His arms.  BUT, praise God, He gave me hope!  And this scripture opens up with hope!  God is true to His promises and I was thanking Him in advance for the work He, and only He, could do in my heart!

So, here’s the facts.
In one year I lost:
81 pounds (no, I didn’t have surgery…I get asked that a lot.)
4 inches off each arm
8 off each leg
11.5 off my waist
14 off my hips
With a total of 37.5 inches.  Yes, that’s almost how tall my 3.5 year old daughter is.  Sheesh.

I dropped 4 pant sizes.

According to my Fitbit, I blew my goal of 3 million steps out of the water with 4.2 million steps.  That translates into almost 1800 miles and over 1 million calories.  I set this years step goal at 5 million steps!

Above all these statistics, more importantly than what reads on a scale…I have a new heart.  A healed, whole heart that is SO full of gratitude and love for a Father who is so much more than God.  He is everything He says He is; Healer, Comforter, Provider, Victorious, Prince of Peace.
I could have done none of this without Him.
NONE.  I can do anything for a little bit.  Log food, count calories, exercise.  But, when I came to the realization that I was being a pawn for the enemy who wants to destroy me.  I was making his job easy.  I was believing his lies.  THAT realization is a good motivator for a heart change.

We are so much more than people wandering on hard ground.
God has SO much more for us.
If we would only take Him at His Word.
I know I can’t imagine if most of the people I talked to didn’t believe a word I said.  It’d be heartbreaking.

Am I finished?  Perfect?
God’s not finished with me yet!  But I’m off to a good start.  This is my new battle cry…

“Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self pity and suspicious fears.
I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take
part in the enemy’s distractions or destructions.”
–Lysa Terkeurst

Here’s to 2015 and continued freedom!


Legacy to my girls

I remember being in 2nd grade and in dance class. It was spring time and our dance recital costumes had come in. Everyone was so excited to try them on in front of the full length, wall to wall mirror and make sure they all fit right. The instructor asked everyone to come out and do our number to see if the costumes fit the song and dance the way she envisioned it. I didn’t have tights on that day, just my dance pants and a leotard. I remember stepping lightly out of the dressing room into the main dance room and looking at the mirror, closely watching my legs jiggle. i wasn’t an obese child. But compared to my friends, I felt like the elephant in the room. That is my very first memory of being self conscious or even ashamed of my body. That’s a lot of burden for an 8 year old to carry.

Watching this video that was produced by Dove was a real eye opener for me. To know that these teenaged girls were so greatly impacted by what their moms did and said about themselves was so crazy. I have so much to change in myself and my attitude about myself before I make a lasting negative impression on my girls. I refuse to allow my girls to have so much hatred towards their bodies as I did and do still. It’s truly up to me as to what kind of legacy I’ll leave for my girls, that will pass down to countless girls in my family tree to come.