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When a day deserves a middle finger

That would have been today.
And it was all my fault.
Today might have also been the day that God called me a spoiled brat.
Details, details…

I had lost a document.
I searched my hard drive.
I searched my flash drive.
My One Drive.
My Google Drive.
My crazy drive.

It wasn’t there.
It literally was like I dreamed the whole document up.  I searched every virtual trash can on 3 computers and 3 word processing programs.
It.  Wasn’t.  There.

And my family will attest, Jason especially, with a huge sigh of frustration, that when I lose something, I take Matthew 18:12 to a whole ‘nother level of psychosis.  I don’t care if we are walking out the door to attend a meeting of seeing Christ Himself.  If I lose something…no one moves until I find it.
It’s so frustrating…I may need medication for this level of dedication.

Naturally, today, the last day of summer and a glorious day off with my family, was ruined because #1 I couldn’t find the document and #2 my attitude of not being able to find the document.
It couldn’t be re-created.  My attitude, sadly couldn’t be either.  I honest to God tried to dig myself out of my frustration.  I saw it for what it was.  I knew what was happening inside my brain.  It was a freight train that was derailing fast.
Unfortunately I wasn’t able to pull the brake.
Unfortunately it took out everyone in my path.
The devil is a sneaky little bastard isn’t he?
Too harsh?
Nope.  I don’t think so.
He was thrilled that I wasted this absolutely perfect day being a spoiled brat because I couldn’t find a document.
A document, people.
But it was enough to snap at my children.
All day.
Snap at my husband.
Way too many times.
And maybe even enough to scream out a harsh explicative when I come up on Aldi only to see it closed…

What do you mean Aldi is closed??

What do you mean Aldi is closed??

So coming out of Kroger with my cart full of groceries and my heart full of frustration because my check-out girl counted, recounted, and counted again the $191 I gave her; that was when the Lord apparently had had enough.
You know I love you right?
Um, excuse me?
You.  The one pushing the grocery cart. 
Okay…
You’re being a spoiled brat.

Drop the mic.

I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Apologize to the ones who love me the most and the best.  Even Especially when I don’t deserve it.
Starting with the Lord I repented for my bad attitude.  For the wasted day.  The time I will never, ever get back.  For the toxic words I spewed that may be forgiven, but can never be taken back.  I asked confidently for help the next time I feel the snowball start to pick up speed.  I thanked Him for His unending, unconditional grace.
My God…His grace.
I’d be a greasy spot without it.
Next, my family.  Jason andmy sweet babies.  Who now, as I type this, are sleeping with pink cheeks, hair tangled by the wind and skin that smells of the last days of summer.  Their forgiveness comes so easily.  I don’t deserve their love either.  God has taught me so much through them.

And as the sun comes up tomorrow, mercy surely will rise with it too.
As will hope that it will not be a day given to my demise and the enjoyment of the enemy.
But instead, to the One who gave it all to me in the first place.

Lamentations 3:22-23

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Thank. You. Jesus.

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Hi, I’ll take a backbone and a side of balls, to go please…

gumball

So last week I mentioned that I had trouble with conflict.  I got some terrific feedback from a lot of you saying that you too struggled with conflict and confrontation.  Today, I’ll share with you a story that goes along with that same theme.  Apparently, I don’t learn my lessons too quickly.  Hence the fact…
Continue reading »

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Have Bait…Will Travel.

Image

Reflection on Jonah 1 and 2

So I’m thinking that this wasn’t the “three hour tour” that Jonah was banking on when he high tailed it to Tarshish.  Hearing God’s voice and request to preach to this town that so desperately needed Him, Jonah busted outta there like Alcatraz.  I never realized what that journey looked like for him until I saw the actual map.
Wow.  He couldn’t have gotten any farther away from Ninevah!

What was in Ninevah that he was so afraid of?  Why did he run so fast and far upon hearing this assignment?  I’m not sure.  But it only took about 4 verses for God to come up on the scene and get all up in Jonah’s business.

What Jonah didn’t realize is that 1) you can’t outrun God and 2) he had his own little Ninevah on the boat.  The sailors prayed to every god they could think of to get out of this mess.  It wasn’t until they prayed to the God Jonah was running from that things changed.  I can imagine their faces in verse 15 and 16, where it says, “They took Jonah and threw him overboard.  Immediately the sea was quieted down.  The sailors were impressed, no longer terrified at the sea, but in awe of God.”  I can imagine them tossing him over, the sea becoming still like a pane of glass and them smugly strutting and brushing their hands together and saying, “Well.  That was easy!”

Enter stage left…giant fish.  This shows me that God will go to ANY measure to get your attention.

Well played Lord.  Well played.  Note to self: next time order the chicken…
Anyway, Jonah’s prayer is so genuine and heartfelt.  An entire chapter is dedicated to his heart’s cry.  But truly, what else would there be to do in the gut of a fish?   I mean, if you can’t find God in this situation…yikes.

Two things happened in Jonah’s prayer:
1) he confessed of his current situation.
2) he gave thanks and praise to God.

Exit stage right…Jonah.
Man I’d hate to be fishing on that shore.
No big.  Just a man coming out of a fish’s belly.  Hey, what’d you do today?

So, all in all this is a great image of God’s grace, mercy and pit bull determination to a) get His people preached to, b) go to any means possible.  Even though you’d think we’d learn by now, we still disobey, we still run, we still hide.
God loves us!
God is for us!
God is with us.

Why would we want to run from that?