A Sense of Urgency

Scrolling through Facebook I am overwhelmed with all the videos people publish. It has truly turned into a mini YouTube. I am not on Facebook much anymore because of that reason but the other day I came across a video that literally made my arm hair stand on end. Oh. It was so good. It is short, so I’ll post it here for ya…
Wow. What a powerful word.
This morning, which is several days later from when I saw this message, I read these scriptures from 2 Timothy 4.
“You’re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They’ll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you’re doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God’s servant.”

How can we ignore these warnings from the Lord?  How can we stop being consumed with the gnats of life; people pulling out in front of you in traffic, children who bicker, people at work who annoy us, not having the newest, fastest, shiniest thing and instead focus on how things are affecting eternity?

I am so guilty at allowing the monster of comparison to eat away at me which does nothing but breed distraction away from what God wants to be my focus: Him.  Eternity.  Me fulfilling the Great Commission.

I urge you.
I urge myself.
God is wanting us to share Him.
And He is wanting us to stamp this as “Urgent.”


Becoming Undone

Have you ever had your heart SO full of love and gratitude and God’s goodness that you literally thought it was going to break right in your chest?
This past weekend I had the unbelievable honor of going to She Speaks in Charlotte NC and that feeling of “full heartness” was my entire weekend.
I literally cried the whole time.  And I knew I was in major trouble when I opened our participant notebook and read the letter from Lysa Terkeurst that ended, “Thank God for making a way for you to be here.”  Ugh.  My mom and husband made that possible.  With their full support to chase this crazy dream of mine to be a writer, I was here.  And with each hour that passed my heart kept filling… and breaking a little more.  Tears 1–Jill 0

she speaks background she speaks flowers she speaks decor

The decorations on the tables even made me want to cry!  What am I saying?  They did!  Everything was SO beautiful.  Tears 2–Jill 0
Praise and worship was so good.  Pure and perfect.  And with 800 women singing together, praising the King.  It was a very small glimpse of Heaven. So with praise and worship 4 times over the weekend, makeup was completely unnecessary.  I was a white hot mess.  Tears 6–Jill 0


Lysa leading one of the amazing workshops held this weekend.

Lysa leading one of the amazing workshops held this weekend.

Meeting Nikki and Melissa of Proverbs 31's Online Bible Studies was a real treat.  They are so real!

Meeting Nikki and Melissa of Proverbs 31’s Online Bible Studies was a real treat. They are such genuine women of God!

christine caine

This here lady…was amazeballs.  Christine Caine of Hillsong in Sydney Australia was so full of God’s anointing and Christ’s passion.  It was unreal.  If I didn’t feel insecure about myself before…I did now!  She is SO in love with God and His work and His people.  There was NO way to leave her message without feeling stirred into action.

That’s the only way I can describe myself this weekend.   I felt so undone by all the messages and the constant battle I had with the enemy in my own mind.  I fought the assault of insecurity and doubt on my heart and mind.
Yet I didn’t allow him to win ONCE.  The enemy tried to talk me out of each session, publisher appointment, peer critique.
He tried to get me discouraged.  His darts of doubt were many.
But they didn’t win.
I may not ever publish a book.  And I’m not so sure that’s my goal.  And that’s okay.
But I got validation from the only One that matters.  God.
I got a new sense of purpose.
To KNOW Jesus Christ and to make Him known.

And if it takes me being a white hot mess and undone for a weekend…to spur me on to action for a lifetime and 4 little one’s lifetimes…
Then let the undoing begin.


The Cost

I have recently discovered a band that seems to have the most precious spirit of worship and service.  While I don’t know much about The Rend Collective Experiment, what I get from their lyrics is that they have a pure love of Jesus.  Each one of their songs has lyrics that are so pure and real.  My favorite is “The Cost.”  Here’s how it starts out…

I’m saying yes to You
And no to my desires
I’ll leave myself behind
And follow You

I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost
And You are worth it
(lyrics from http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=73467)

I recently finished Kisses from Katie, a book about a young missionary in Uganda, who is doing amazing things for the children in that country.  All the way through, I felt her story rocking my world.  But it wasn’t until the end of the book that something struck a deep nerve with me, especially in light of this song that’s been on repeat in my mind.

Then, NO JOKE, several weeks later, I start an online bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries called “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa Terkheurst.  So I’m starting to see a theme here Lord….So what exactly is God trying to tell me?  Apparently that He wants all of me.  That He wants me to say “Yes” to Him.  That He wants me to trust Him with all that I have and all that He has for me.  But that it’ll cost me something.  But that it’ll be worth it.  Because He is worth it.


My “get up and go” got up and went…

So I got up this morning.  Well, E got me up this morning crying and wanted fed.  I’m mean really?!  How dare she!  Who does she think she is anyway?!  A 4 month old nursing baby or something?!  The nerve…
By the time I finished feeding her it was close to 6:00 and the biggest part of me was super excited that I’d have time to lay back down before my alarm went off at 7:00.  M has a camp from 8:30-12 today, so I wasn’t going to get to sleep in.  A super small part of me was trying to convince myself that I needed to go walk.  “But you didn’t lay out your clothes for the walk.” and “You’ll wake everyone up when you deactivate the security system and raise the garage door.” and “You’ll smell bad, it’s gonna be HOT today.”  Excuses.  I’ve lived a long time with many excuses.  And “how’s that working out for ya?” you may ask.  Yeah.  Not so well.  Anyway, eventually my sports bra won.  I set out with my iPhone in my arm band, on my forearm since my bicep is too big for it to fit comfortably, sunglasses on, attitude and head up!  So what it took me almost an hour to do 3.7 miles.  I did it.  With God’s help I’ll continue to do it.  And not so I can look like the hot moms at M’s school.  But so I can live to enjoy summers with my babies.  

I sadly realized the other day that my adult life has consisted of segments of personal failures and missed opportunities.  Here are some examples:
…after I have the baby and while I’m on maternity leave I’ll…
…well, during the summer I’ll change before school starts and I’ll…
…my 20 year high school reunion is in 2 years…I’ll do it by then…

While I was on my walk this morning I came up on the biggest worm I’d ever seen both in length and in girth.  It was dead, hard and crusty from being baked in the sun and being without moisture.  Now I don’t know where the worm came from, but what the worm may not have known was that he died at the grass line, just steps from the creek that often times floods the area it surrounds.  It was SO close to it’s worm destiny and a nirvana for worms everywhere.  It could have been so happy in such a marshy heaven.  But it gave up.  It died.  I don’t want to be that worm.  I don’t want to be literally steps from the destiny that God has given me and give up.  God has so much more for us if we just don’t quit.  
Don’t.  Ever.  Quit
J preached a Wednesday night service recently and did such a great job.  One of our elders got up to take up the offering and gave a word of encouragement to J and I.  It was so refreshing.  He said he was thankful for youth pastors who were hungry after God and specifically to me that God’s doing a work in me, that God hears my cry and He sees my heart.  That He knows that contrite spirit that He’s going to take me places, that I’m asking for things, but that He’s got things for me that I can’t even imagine.  Places, that I couldn’t even imagine.  Wow!  How exciting to hear that.  Funny, on the way to church that evening, I was thinking about how when we have special guest ministers in the past, it seemed they always had words for other people.  Not me.  I’m so thankful for the Lord.
I’m not perfect, but I’m going to let God make it perfect.