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The Cost

I have recently discovered a band that seems to have the most precious spirit of worship and service.  While I don’t know much about The Rend Collective Experiment, what I get from their lyrics is that they have a pure love of Jesus.  Each one of their songs has lyrics that are so pure and real.  My favorite is “The Cost.”  Here’s how it starts out…

I’m saying yes to You
And no to my desires
I’ll leave myself behind
And follow You

I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost
And You are worth it
(lyrics from http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=73467)

I recently finished Kisses from Katie, a book about a young missionary in Uganda, who is doing amazing things for the children in that country.  All the way through, I felt her story rocking my world.  But it wasn’t until the end of the book that something struck a deep nerve with me, especially in light of this song that’s been on repeat in my mind.

Then, NO JOKE, several weeks later, I start an online bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries called “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa Terkheurst.  So I’m starting to see a theme here Lord….So what exactly is God trying to tell me?  Apparently that He wants all of me.  That He wants me to say “Yes” to Him.  That He wants me to trust Him with all that I have and all that He has for me.  But that it’ll cost me something.  But that it’ll be worth it.  Because He is worth it.

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Hi, yes, can you tell me where the contentment is? In an XL?

So I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts lately, especially through Elevation Church and Pastor Steven Furtick.  I found out that he’s a Baptist, but you could have fooled me!  He’s definitely NOT my grandmother’s Baptist!  And I’ll have to admit, he’s more charismatic than a lot of Charismatic preachers out there!  So, I’ll listen and enjoy and be blessed and sift what he says along with the Word.  Considering I’m a Spirit Filled reformed Episcopalian…I’ve got some room built in for open mindedness.  I think Christ does too.  🙂  Anyhoo, I was listening to Lysa Terkheurst’s Mother’s Day message and it was really good.  She has such a gift for ministering to women in a mighty and real way.  It was called “Cut the But” and in essence, she was saying, instead of saying, “I’m a child of God, but __________________ (fill in your blank)… We should say, “I’m a child of God, therefore I’m clothed in righteousness, therefore I’m redeemed by His sacrifice, etc.  Our words are so powerful and I’m so guilty of doing “but” instead of “therefore.”  I listened to her podcast and later that day came across the picture above on Facebook.  I loved it immediately.  I’ll admit, I put my value, my worth, everything in what I look like, how much I weigh, what size pants I have on.  I’ve done it all my life.  Sometimes, okay a lot of times, I put value on other people on what they look like and how much they weigh.  I know it’s so ridiculous and absurd.  But I do it anyway.  I can’t understand why my husband would love me unconditionally with me looking the way that I do.  I can’t possibly understand why God would love me unconditionally with me looking the way that I do AND knowing the inner most thoughts of my mind.  Lord have mercy!  What in the world do you do with THAT kind of crazy!?  I’m hoping to one day get to the place of contentment NOT being tied to my outward appearance, because in my mind I know that “God looks at the heart…” blah blah blah.  It’s hard to know AND do God’s word.  Sheesh.  Just add that to my “to do” list….
But I’m hoping that it comes sooner rather than later so I don’t look back on this life with a boatload of regret on all the “living” I missed out on.Image
Why is this so hard?