Can you smell it? It’s finally here. My favorite time of year. I may or may not have gone into teaching for the school supplies. Just kidding. I DO love me a Back to School flyer and I DO get a rush when I see stores putting them out. And I confess. I do ask…
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It’s early and I’m working on my cup of apple cider, I’ve read through my Bible Study post for the day, written a long list of “thankfuls” and listening to the boys talk to each other…almost holding my breath for one of them to say something ugly to the other one. With each exchange I can almost count down until when the older says a harsh “idiot” or “shut up” to the younger one.
Words that are easy to say often cut the deepest.
I’m sitting here with a heart full of words to say, but still sitting here not knowing where to start.
I’m just sitting.
I could pray about the the check that I’ve lost.
I could pray for the friend who has just miscarried another baby.
I could read my daily scripture.
I could start breakfast.
But I just sit.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 says that God is okay with me just sitting. Sitting before Him, quiet. Knowing; assured that He knows where the check is, that He’s comforting the friend. That He’s molding the hearts of my boys into ones that love Him because He has an amazing future and plan for their lives.
The day will start fast and furious soon.
So until I must, I’ll sit.
I get home from work last night and get a text from my mom about whether or not we’ll have school tomorrow. Our region has been feeling the effects of this “Polar Vortex” like none other. Our district, which RARELY misses school is currently on day 7 of missed school for cold temperatures alone. I asked her why she was asking and she referred me to an inflammatory post from a mutual friend on Facebook concerning the district I work for and the people I call colleagues and friends. I was instantly sucked into a polar vortex of my own and commented (which I never do…for this very reason).
It ruined my whole night.
I was sharp with my children, late in making dinner, and just overall hateful. I tried to talk myself down off the ledge. To drive the conversation out of my head telling myself that I personally didn’t make comments that were hateful or compromising to my faith. But I knew the heart that was behind the comments I made. And I was mad. I said ugly things about these women to my husband, my mom and my best friend who is an administrator. God was not pleased.
While scrolling through Facebook, I see this picture…
photo cred Jennifer McKinney
…of a girl from central Kenya. Does she care about Facebook or the slander of my Superintendent? The fact that water lines burst in our town therefore canceling school for today? She lives in a mud house held up with sticks. I doubt it.
I was struck with guilt. I’m disappointed in myself for getting sucked into the ridiculousness of life. For letting Facebook rule my evening and stealing those precious hours away from my family. I’ll never get those back.
That was time I could have spent praying for places that are floundering and that don’t see my children as a priority. Or praying for opportunities for my J to be able to make more money for our family. Or the 2 people who were being life-flighted over our house because of a what ended up being a deadly car crash in our area. Or the son of my best friend who was burning up with a fever. Or the mother of a student of mine who is 42 and dying of brain cancer. Or…or…or. Time wasted. The enemy won.
He won’t win today.