I went to a Women’s Conference in mid-May to hear some of my favorite local lady preachers and was bummed because one of my ultra favs was ministering during the day while I was at work. I noticed on Facebook that she’d posted the audio recording of the sermon to her and her husband’s church website. Awesome! I sat with my Bible, journal and iPhone and while the girls napped and the boys went to the movies with their dad, full of expectation and excitement. What I got was a big fat reminder that God is SO cool. Her message hit square on what I had blogged a couple of days ago. And it reminded me of a journal entry I’d written around this time last year. I’ll share it with you below…
felt fairly confident that a) you were the only one in the room or b)That the one speaking had literally
just read your journal. I felt both of those tonight. I was weepy the whole time. Mainly because praise
and worship, my absolute favorite thing, was so powerful. I’m so thankful for those precious times of
I think part of the reason I was so weepy was because I’ve felt like lunch meat lately. And not the
really expensive types that are like 9.99 pound with fancy herb types all rubbed in them, but more
like chopped ham or souse. Yeah, more like souse. All the leftover nasty parts that are so gross.
I mean, who really eats that crap?! I feel like the past few months have been a series of screw
ups and wanderings. No big sin; just nagging, small ones that keep me from the full throttle adventure
that I know God has for me. Ones that I can NOT seem to kick no matter what. Ugh. So after days of
particular melancholy moods, I said to myself, “Self…enough is enough. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps
and MOVE ON!” Sometimes that works. I’m hoping this is one of those times.
SO. I need a plan. What could that plan be…I’ve been reading Elizabeth George’s “Loving God
With All Your Mind” and I read something just the other day that struck me. That Christ commands us i
n Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about
such things.” If I’m to get control over my thoughts, I need to measure every thought up to this yard
stick. Is what I’m thinking, no matter how pleasurable or outlandish, is it REAL? What happened to me
15, 20, 30 years ago, regardless of how I wish the outcome were different, isn’t real. My life didn’t turn out
that way. What is real is that I’m married to J with 3 kids. No matter how I wish some facets of life were
different, whether it be for me or others in my circle, NOW is what is real.
The lady I heard preach the other day that moved me so talked about women being gullible, us being and
raising a generation of starving Christians, and not being fully furnished spiritually. I don’t want to look back
on my life and be ANY of those things. But, I’m afraid that is exactly where I am. So, let Operation Checked