The Gift of Again

So we can all now take a big sigh of relief.
Christmas is over and I venture to say some of you have already put up your tree.
I’d be right there with you if Jason wasn’t an “oh let’s enjoy it until New Years” kinda guy.
I can’t even.
The thought of the clutter makes my palms itch.
But in the blink of an eye, Christmas was over.
Like a carefully and lovingly planned wedding, it’s over before you even realize it has started.
In both events, when the chaos settles and you finally get a chance to take a breath, you think, “That’s it?  All those months of planning, and preparing and spending, spending, spending for…20 minutes?”
Here we are on the heels of closing out another year.
It seems like a few days ago we were in a frenzy about whether or not our TVs would work when we rolled over into Y2K.
And 2017 will blow by and we will be right here again.
But right now I’m thinking that 2016 was pretty disappointing.
Now don’t get me wrong, it had its bright spots and I’m super thankful it happened, but my prayer going into 2017 is that it’ll be a bit gentler.
I’m mainly disappointed in myself and a struggle I’ve had my entire life.
And it’s super awesome when you go to the doctor for a check up and she says, “Have you really put on that much weight since you saw me last?  That’ll be $200 please.”

Well, I got fatter.  I saw this posted by a friend on Facebook and raised my hand in the air.
You all.
I’m over it.
I’m over wanting to be skinny and looking cute in a bathing suit at Tranquilan.
I don’t care if I have fat rolls or cellulite.
I don’t even care what I look like in Lularoe or what size I’m in.
That’s taken a LONG time to be able to say.
Here’s what I DO want:
I do want to NOT die at a young age.
I want to not have my joints degenerate and crumble with disease.
I want to be able to ride bikes with my kids and get down in the floor with them.
I want to love Jesus, myself and my family more than I love food.
I want my girls to grow up to not hate their bodies, their temples of the Holy Spirit, their ENTIRE LIVES.
I’ve been around this mountain before and in fact, there are many many blog posts about my struggle.
2014 seemed to be a year of victory for me in this area.
But like an old drunk, I sat down at the bar and gave in to the voice of the enemy, “Oh, you got this whipped!  Look how good you have done!  365 days with NO SUGAR!  Just take one bite.  You can handle it.  You deserve it.”
Yet here we are.
Feeling, literally, like the elephant in the room.
Instead of beating myself up, calling myself a failure, and looking at “again” as a bad thing, I’m looking at it as a new beginning.
“Again” is a gift, every day when we wake up with a whisper from God that says, “Good morning my love.  You are altogether lovely.  There is not a flaw within you.  (So please love yourself today, just like I love you, mkay.)

I feel like each year the Lord sends me a book each year that makes a huge impact on my life.
This year, while ordering a Christmas present for a friend, I stumbled on the one I think it going to be my life changing book of 2017.
I love Lisa Bevere.
She does not mess around.
She is a straight up powerhouse, ass kicker for Jesus.
I have done several of her Bible studies, listened to several of her messages, and read some of her books.
I had NO idea she had written one on food.
I’m super excited to start this book in the coming year.
I’d be super excited to start this book with you, if you’d like to join me.
I won’t be doing a book study on it, I don’t think, but I do know there is power in numbers and community and accountability.
The enemy wants us to isolate.
God wants us to unite.
Regardless of our struggles, I’m not alone.
You are not alone.
So here we are.
Armed with the power and grace of “again”
I’m ready to put the decorations up until next year and put my struggles up forever.

I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer,
and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ,
walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman
and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God…
just living the dream.

2 thoughts on “The Gift of Again

  1. You are beautiful both inside and out. You are AWESOME and I admire and respect you for all that you stand for. Sending you LOVE and LIGHT.

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