Have you ever read Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages?”
It’s literally been on the New York Best Seller’s list since August 2009.
For me, it’s a book that is a game changer.
If you haven’t read it, do yourself a favor and do it.
The Five Love Languages details that each person communicates through a love language. Your love language could be 1) receiving gifts, 2) physical touch, 3) words of affirmation, 4) acts of service, or 5) quality time.
Deciding on your love language may be easy.
Knowing what your spouse’s love language is might be a piece of cake also.
But communicating it, especially if your spouse’s is different than yours…that can be tricky.
Even your children have a love language. That’s mainly where differences can be seen in individual children and boy can it make a huge difference when connecting with your kids.
Here’s an example:
This spring break we actually went somewhere. Jason only gets a couple of weeks vacation each year, so we normally opt to spend spring break as a “staycation.” This year a precious couple in our church blessed us with a week in their condo at Myrtle Beach and we had a really wonderful time. Now over the course of our kids’ lives we have discovered what their primary love languages are. Reagan’s love language is “quality time.” I’m thinking that so far, Ellie’s is too. Ellie is constantly asking, “you sit wif me on da cowch? Pweese?” I think Phoebe may have two. Her primary one is Quality Time, but I’m pretty positive that Physical Touch may be a very close second. That girl is a hugger. Max’s love language is definitely “Receiving Gifts.” Wanna show Max you love him? Buy him something.
But Reagan…he doesn’t care where we are going or what we do when we get there.
He just wants one on one time with you.
Hence this picture:
He’s the kid that wanted to wake up at 6:30, TWICE, to watch the sun rise. “Just you and me, okay mom?”
How can I say no to that?
Now understand, Quality Time is not my love language. I’m thinking, “Kid, if you love me, then you’ll let me get some quality SLEEP.”
I’m more of an “Acts of Service” kinda gal.
Then speak my language.
Be waiting for me to get home from the store to help me with groceries.
So even though I am a morning person, I was not particularly excited about waking up before Jesus while on vacation to watch the sunrise. But because I love Reagan, I’m willing to sacrifice my sleep for a little early morning adventure with him to show him that I love him.
That’s what love is.
Sacrificing what you want for what’s best for the person you love.
Jason and I do not have the same love language. So if I spend our WHOLE marriage doing “Acts of Service” for him, he is going to be a very frustrated person. Then I’m frustrated because I’m thinking, “Why is Jason so frustrated with me?! I’m doing all kinds of things for him! He doesn’t appreciate me!!”
Can you imagine how fruitless it’d be if I went around speaking Chinese to everyone in my life?! And how arrogant of me to say, “Well, I can speak and understand Chinese! Why can’t they understand me?!” (btw, I know ZERO Chinese…)
Are you struggling with relationships?
Things not working out as you had hoped with your husband or wife?
Is there lots of turmoil with your children?
How about your friendships?
Take some time to evaluate the people in your life and see if you can determine their love language. Invest time in their lives, they are the ones who matter to you the most here on Earth.
Speak their language.
It may open a whole new world to you!
One where you’re not the center.
And that…is okay.
Wanna find out your love language? Take this quiz here!