Jason and I had the wonderful opportunity to minister together at our home church last Wednesday. We had so much fun!
Take some time and check out our message. (Technology is wonderful…please overlook the wonky video)
Just like Jason mentioned in our message, I’m posting the wife’s side of the story.
Now, I certainly do not claim to be a marriage expert, nor do I play one on TV.
These are just areas I needed desperately to weed out in my own life.
Areas that God has illuminated in my heart and mind.
One thing that all these center around, I found, is selfishness.
Marriage is a carefully orchestrated dance between two sinful and selfish people.
A dance that God has covenanted with His people to make us holy…not happy.
So much for being selfish, huh?
This by no means is an exhaustive list.
Five Things You Can Do For Your Husband
Don’t make fun of him in front of other people
If you know me, you know I’ll do just about anything to make someone laugh. Sometimes I do it at the sacrifice of those I love. I think I’m witty at first and then as soon as the words are out of my mouth, milliseconds, regret comes over me. Psalm 19:14 essentially says that every word out of my mouth needs to glorify God. If I’m describing my husband as a blubbering baboon to my girlfriends for a chuckle, I’m certainly not glorifying God. Or building up the person who is supposed to be my other half.
Discover what your love language is
This is so key guys. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” has been on the New York Best Sellers List for TWENTY FOUR years. Um, say what?
Jason and I have totally different love languages.
His is physical touch while mine is acts of service.
If I do nothing but “good deeds” for him; mop the floor, do laundry, pick up his favorite snack at the store, he might like it, but those things are not going to make him feel loved and valued.
In order to do that, I need to speak his language.
I may not always be “in the mood” or want to show my affection through physical touch, but I love Jason, so I do.
Remember, love is a decision.
Love keeps no record of wrong
In my tiny mind, I kept a mental checksheet of all the ways Jason had “wronged” me. I have a master’s degree in “wrong record keeping.”
*Letting the garbage get too high up the wall.
*Not helping me in with the groceries
*Him sleeping in a bit on the weekend
Here’s a note…your husband does not have telepathy and therefore cannot sense the change in the atmosphere that you are coming up the hill with $250 worth of groceries.
And if the garbage is too full…take out the damn garbage! You’re an independent woman of the 21st century, right? 😉
But anyway, I’d have this running list in my mind of ways that I had been wronged.
“What about ME!” Seemed to be my battle cry.
Well guess what?
Find an accountability partner--hook yourself up with someone whom you trust, a friend, a relative, a pastor. Someone you can talk to, someone who can pray for you and someone who can give you Godly advice and sometimes rebuke. And if you don’t have someone like that in your life, pray for God to send you someone. Otherwise, pay for a listening ear. Having a counselor help you sort through things is nothing to feel ashamed of and can be so beneficial. We are not meant to do life alone.
Don’t expect him to fill the hole that only God can fill
Regardless of whether you believe in Jesus or not, you are created with a hole in your hearts. A place that only God can fill. A longing to have a relationship with your Creator.
When I have impossible expectations for my husband that go unmet (because he’s not God) it tills the perfect breeding ground for the enemy to plant the seed of dissatisfaction. When you become dissatisfied, then you listen to the lies of the enemy that whisper, “This isn’t working. He doesn’t even care about your needs. He never helps carry in all those groceries! So and so, that guy you work with….now he’s strong. He’d help you carry in groceries. He seems to be smiling at you an awful lot lately….”
No, God is not going to materialize and carry in your groceries.
But so help me the enemy WILL use small insignificant occurrences that will add up to make your mental checklist I mentioned before grow even longer as your discontentment grows larger.
Marriage is no joke.
It’s not something to go into lightly.
And it’s certainly not something to get out of lightly.
God is a God of grace, mercy, redemption and healing.
IF we allow Him to be.