When a day deserves a middle finger
That would have been today.
And it was all my fault.
Today might have also been the day that God called me a spoiled brat.
I had lost a document.
I searched my hard drive.
I searched my flash drive.
My One Drive.
My Google Drive.
My crazy drive.
It wasn’t there.
It literally was like I dreamed the whole document up. I searched every virtual trash can on 3 computers and 3 word processing programs.
It. Wasn’t. There.
And my family will attest, Jason especially, with a huge sigh of frustration, that when I lose something, I take Matthew 18:12 to a whole ‘nother level of psychosis. I don’t care if we are walking out the door to attend a meeting of seeing Christ Himself. If I lose something…no one moves until I find it.
It’s so frustrating…I may need medication for this level of dedication.
Naturally, today, the last day of summer and a glorious day off with my family, was ruined because #1 I couldn’t find the document and #2 my attitude of not being able to find the document.
It couldn’t be re-created. My attitude, sadly couldn’t be either. I honest to God tried to dig myself out of my frustration. I saw it for what it was. I knew what was happening inside my brain. It was a freight train that was derailing fast.
Unfortunately I wasn’t able to pull the brake.
Unfortunately it took out everyone in my path.
The devil is a sneaky little bastard isn’t he?
Nope. I don’t think so.
He was thrilled that I wasted this absolutely perfect day being a spoiled brat because I couldn’t find a document.
A document, people.
But it was enough to snap at my children.
Snap at my husband.
Way too many times.
And maybe even enough to scream out a harsh explicative when I come up on Aldi only to see it closed…
So coming out of Kroger with my cart full of groceries and my heart full of frustration because my check-out girl counted, recounted, and counted again the $191 I gave her; that was when the Lord apparently had had enough.
You know I love you right?
Um, excuse me?
You. The one pushing the grocery cart.
You’re being a spoiled brat.
Drop the mic.
I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Apologize to the ones who love me the most and the best.
Even Especially when I don’t deserve it.
Starting with the Lord I repented for my bad attitude. For the wasted day. The time I will never, ever get back. For the toxic words I spewed that may be forgiven, but can never be taken back. I asked confidently for help the next time I feel the snowball start to pick up speed. I thanked Him for His unending, unconditional grace.
My God…His grace.
I’d be a greasy spot without it.
Next, my family. Jason andmy sweet babies. Who now, as I type this, are sleeping with pink cheeks, hair tangled by the wind and skin that smells of the last days of summer. Their forgiveness comes so easily. I don’t deserve their love either. God has taught me so much through them.
And as the sun comes up tomorrow, mercy surely will rise with it too.
As will hope that it will not be a day given to my demise and the enjoyment of the enemy.
But instead, to the One who gave it all to me in the first place.
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Thank. You. Jesus.
I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer,
and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ,
walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman
and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God…
just living the dream.