10 Steps to Parenthood…

So you and your husband are starting a family…How exciting!
Children truly are a blessing from the Lord and they hold within them a promise of all the good things God has for us. They can be a challenge though.  Gone are the quick trips to the store, the impromptu dates you all can have on the spur of the moment, quiet dinners out alone or with friends in a fun restaurant…the list can go on!  But you have to be prepared.
Runners train.
Boxers prepare.
Public speakers practice their speeches.
Parenthood is the marathon of a lifetime.

While traveling this summer with my sweet family, I came up with a list of activities that need to be accomplished BEFORE you have children to see if you are up to the challenge of parenthood AND traveling with them.  Do a couple of dry runs and practice these things:

Buckle your seatbelt and keep your arms and legs in the vehicle!

Number One:

Travel across two or more states from end to end.  Now, if you live in a tri-state area, you are cheating and need to travel across FOUR states.  Easy enough….you got this!!

Number Two:

Be able to reach something to someone in the very back of an 8 passenger vehicle.  It’s inevitable.

Number Three:

Make sure you carry an emergency first aid kit with you at all times.  Because SOMEONE will fall out of a tree at a truck stop.  Trust me.

Number Four:

Pee in a container not intended for urine while riding down the interstate.  This is in preparation of avoiding stopping and waking up said children.  Don’t ask.

Number Five:

Make a trip meant to last 6-8 hours and stretch it out to take 12-16.  Because no, our bladders are never in sync.  You WILL pee at this next truck stop or you lose your bathroom privileges!

Number Six:

Be able to carry on 3 conversations at once and be fully engaged in all three.  “Yes dear, I love that you slayed that monster on Level 43!”  “Oh cool!  I see that cloud that looks like a dragon riding a horse!”  “Honey you need to take exit 19 in 1/4 mile.”

Number Seven:

Attempt to eat with one hand while holding a small but rabid and unruly animal in your non-dominant arm.  They may be small, but they sure are wiry!

Number Eight:

Withstand dirty looks from a room full of strangers over things out of your control.  “Hello there Mrs. Stink Eye!  You were at the last restaurant!”

Number Nine:

Practice having conversations with people while talking over top of a movie or song at full volume while being interrupted by 3 other people at different times.  Repeat while trying to read a book.  Because naturally none of the littles in the car will want to use the wireless headphones…

Number Ten:

Watch the same movie that doesn’t interest you 47 times in a row at full volume.  Again with the wireless headphones…they hold SO much promise…

BONUS!!!!

Number Eleven:

Operate on a full schedule with 2 hours of sleep over a 3 day period.  Children are terrorists and you are their POW.

Number Twelve:
Buy the mattress of  your dreams.  Maybe a California King or Sleep Number Bed.  Now, sleep on 4 inches of it sideways and with a piece of wood propped on your face.  Naturally you’ve spent tons of money on a beautiful and pinterestable nursery.  Don’t be silly!  They won’t want to sleep there! 

Now that you have followed these easy steps, you should be ready for anything that parenthood throws at you.
Parenthood isn’t easy, but nothing that is worth anything is!

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