In my morning bible study the author talks about Jesus never getting weary of His disciples and their seemingly unending ability to not “get” what He is about. How He’s constantly telling them, them messing up, and Him picking up the pieces. Man. Is that ever me? My 2nd child, he’s 6, is so incredibly frustratingly wonderful. He has the power to take me from smiling to psycho in less than 2 seconds flat. He’s the kid who you sometimes can’t wait to send to grandmas, but as soon as he’s gone…you miss. He has THE most tender heart towards God and is so brutally honest. I’ve prayed for a filter for his mouth. Maybe not gonna happen…
But, when I read this devotion, he was the first thing that came to mind. Yesterday we were out of school for Martin Luther King, Jr. day and I had literally said 5 times, “please don’t let the dog out.” (Backstory, we have a golden doodle who puts new meaning on dumb. I mean, I have no words for her stupidity.) Well of course 15 minutes before we are to leave to take her to the vet, he lets her out. And when she runs out the door, it’s like a newborn baby deer taking off running for the first time.
I. Went. Nuts.
I swear I screamed so hard at him I think I blacked out. I knew we’d never catch her. In fact, she didn’t come home until around 10 pm. Once I settled down and apologized to him (why couldn’t I have calmed down BEFORE I went nuclear on him?) Ugh. He looked at me with his huge blue eyes and said he accepted my apology.
From a six year old. It’s heartbreaking. Within 5 minutes of me crucifying him he was wanting me to read him a book. I learn so much from my kids and they break my heart everyday that I live. But it’s the same with God. I break His heart everyday too. And if He could, He’d look at me with His big eyes and accept my apology. I am SO flawed and most days I feel like I don’t deserve to be their mom. But for all eternity, God saw fit for me to raise these arrows and shoot them for Him.