On mothers and daughters

On mothers and daughters

Mother’s Day can be a tricky day.
Not every woman can be a mother and that thought alone brings a shipload of emotions.
But everyone has a mother.
Which, yet again, can make someone feel all the feels.
Not every mother/son/daughter relationship brings the warm fuzzies of a Hallmark card.
Happy Mother’s Day…
You’re a real piece of work.
Not what most mom’s envision when they hold their new bundle, but it happens…

The relationship between a mother and a daughter is a tricky one.  One that goes through many seasons.
Mom and I have not always agreed, but our love is deep and wide.
She’s had the patience of Job with me over my life.
Case in point, she taught me to sew at 37 by taking on a bridesmaid dress.
She’s always embraced my ridiculous ideas…

And I don’t know what you have learned from yours, may it be good or bad, the lessons you learn can ALL make an impact on your life.

Here’s some things I’ve learned from my mom.
Thank you cards are critical–always take time to write down your thankfulness for someone
Scratch made pie crust–while growing up the process of making pie crusts was equal to disarming a bomb with a pair of tweezers and chewed gum.
The outcome could go either way.
If the pie crust broke…it was bad.
But when the crust worked…it was poetry in motion.
The day my mom found a no-fail pie crust I swear the Holy Ghost fell on our house.
We’ve never looked back.
I’m so thankful mom not only taught me to take time to make a homemade crust but also that she shared the recipe for it.
Be generous— even to people who don’t deserve it.  You’re not doing it for them.  But you’re doing it to honor God.
Friendships are important and are worth being nurtured–my mom has friendships that are over 50 years old.  Almost ALL of her friends are from Junior High, Nursing School or friends she made at church some 40+ years ago.  She had a tribe before it was cool. #friendgoals
You stand up for those you love–even if they are wrong and especially if they don’t deserve it.  Because by George, I love you but right now I don’t like you.  So get in this car and sit down and shut up…do you understand me?!

It got me thinking about what my mom learned from her mom.
My mamaw, Phoebe Adams, was literally the softest human on the planet.
When I think of her I remember Pecan Sandies, pink hair bonnets, and pennies saved in a Coty face cream jar.
But the Phoebe I knew probably wasn’t the Phoebe my mom grew up with.
What lessons did my mother learn from her that shaped her into the person she turned out to be?
It wasn’t until I was 3 kids into my family that I realized that my mom is a human.
Like, of course I know she is a human. 
But it wasn’t until I had my own daughter and I was feeling totally inadequate that I realized that I was close to my mom’s age when she had me.  It hit me like a Mack truck that as perfect as my mom seemed to me, maybe she struggled too.
That I exhausted her as a crying infant.
And maybe she wanted to drop my brother off at Hills when she’d had enough of his mouth.
She possibly also wanted to hide in the closet and not be called “mom”  one.  more.  time.

Now I don’t know for certain that she had these feelings, but I’d like to think so.  Not because I relish in her struggle, but because I connect better when I know someone’s humanness.  I know that’s why God, in His infinite wisdom sent Christ as a human.  So we can see not the perfect deity that is God, but someone instead who is in the trenches with us.

So maybe you have a wonderful relationship with your mom.  Or maybe you don’t.
Maybe your mom doesn’t walk on this Earth anymore and you miss her with every crushing breath you take.  Or maybe you don’t.
Maybe you talk to her everyday.  Or maybe you don’t.
Maybe you haven’t heard your mom’s voice in so long you can’t remember what she sounds like anymore.
Regardless of what the connection is between you and the person whom you call “mom,” she’s taught you something.
May it be good or bad, remember that just like you, she struggles.
She doubts.
She worries and stews.
Regardless of what you had you can begin now with the people in your life.  Living your real life humanness and being that for someone in your life.  Just like Christ is for us.

In closing, as Ellie is developing I think I’m seeing a lot of my mom in her.
When she was first born and we realized that she was the tiniest Banks I adopted this quote from Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream for her that fits her and my mom perfectly:

And I think I want to be just like her when I grow up.

I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer,
and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ,
walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman
and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God…
just living the dream.


I’m a book-shelving, former tap dancer, wanna be writer, singer, and banjo player, mother of 4, wife of 1, follower of Christ, walking in the shadow of the Proverbs 31 woman and redeemed by the grace and love of an Almighty God… just living the dream.

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